Current mood:contemplative

I pull up my sleeves to take a glance at the goose bumps on my arm, inspired by the beautiful music, and I look.  I see scars, so many of them, cuts along my wrist, and look back in my mind, and see the immense pain I was in when those marks were made.  How careless was I, to take this gift of life for granted, this beautiful gift, and want to throw it all away.  How did I get to that point, how could I not see…  As tears well up in my eyes, I start to pray out loud “Lord, I am sorry, I had no idea, I didn’t know..”.  Back in those days, I had no clue who God was, or really grasped how much he loves us.  I did not see anything as a gift, but a curse.  And now I am left wondering, how could someone reach a child, and teach them, using their own limited understanding and desire as a basis, and allow them to understand and grasp how much God loves them, how much life is a gift, even in this hurtful selfish world, life and so much more, are gifts from God.  Can that really be grasped by someone so young?  I think first we would have to be able to show them who God is, give them some way to understand His character.  I think that something like this could only be done with the help of God Himself.

Then again, maybe I am looking at it wrong.  Maybe just like when a baby comes into this world, it does not know all of this, maybe the timing is not so important.  Am I trying to find a way to prevent pain in life?  How then will we ever come to the point where we question all of the important things in this life?  I am starting to look at all of these hard times in life as just growing pains, simply signs of growth as we learn life lessons.  Being brought down to the point of needing at least one good reason to live, I must say was a big turning point in my life, one that I still look back on, and thank God for.  That reason that God gave me will always stick with me, and it will stand out even brighter in the darkest times.  Isn’t that truly something worth thanking God for?

God knows what needs to be done.  He loves us so much that he is willing to single us out, and when we really need to focus on the most important things in life, he may take everything else away or out of the picture, just so that we can see, and ask the most important questions of ourselves.