Posts Tagged Friends
Life is Simply Complex
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in God, Life, Love, MySpace Blog, Relationships on January 13, 2008
Current mood:anxious
First I would like to say, love is so much more than just a choice, so so much more! It is a feeling, it is an action, it is loyalty, it is based in truth, it is working through problems with a life long determination, never giving up. Love is so many things, and for me it is a way of life. Though I am not perfect, and in some ways, I am a hypocrite because I am not perfect. But I do love, and I will spend my entire life growing in love, working toward showing agape love. I pray that God strip me of my selfishness, my arrogance, my comparisons, and my feelings of superiority, because those have no place in a life of love. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. I do however plan to always learn and grow, so that I might gain footing every day. As the world and its values push back, with God, I have faith that I can grow.
Now that I got that out of the way, which was something that has been bothering me ever since I posted my first blog touching on what love is, I feel much better. As I move forward in my relationship with Kathy, I am learning many new things, seeing myself in many new lights, and seeing how truly human I am. I am weak at times, I am an empty shell of a man at other times. As I move forward in love, my flaws seem to have bright spotlight on them, and now I can see so many things that I need to work through in order to grow. Day after day, I am reminded of how Kathy will love me no matter what I approach her with. I am filled with confidence in who God made her to be, and how through God, nothing is impossible to resolve. It is not always easy, but what truly good things in life are easy.
I feel like I have finally woken up after 7 years of… I don’t know what, and for the last year or 2 I have been back and growing. Not to say my 7 years in Walla Walla were a waste, they were not, I have made many friends, and seen how the world values things. I have lived on my own, and I have lived with people. I have been through so many different situations, I have seen the worst in people, and then I have been able to understand it. I have been given the gift of forgiveness and have been able to let go of so many hurts in my past, not forgetting them, but they no longer have power over me and my actions and feelings today. Enough of this tangent, I am here now, so now what?
Now what? It is a little late for me to be asking myself that now isn’t it… I am moving forward. But still I feel the need to ask myself that question on a day to day basis. In this life there are so many things to do, so many choices, which one do I make, and what steps do I want to take to get there. What do I want? I want a life of love, life foundation in God, and to make people laugh. I also want to develop the talents God has gifted me with, like art, and to explore my love for music by actually learning a musical skill. I want to build strong friendships with the people around me, and to treat everyone with a love that resembles the love God has for us.
My to do list is growing, and time is passing by, but not without me jumping on and doing as much as I can in the time I am given, and with the ability I have been gifted with. Maybe I should start by doing the paperwork on my desk, and clearing all of that off.
Jonathan’s Cream Filled Center
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in God, Life, MySpace Blog, Values on August 30, 2007
Current mood:tired
Today I just realized something, something truly great. Throughout my life, I have been surrounded by so many people and it has been a rare gift to find mature people, who do what they know to be right, despite the feelings they have, or what they “want” to do. It is painful, and very hard sometimes, but in this life we have gotten to a point where we know better, and are actually taking steps to make sure our futures are healthy, and not just our futures, but the futures of the other people involved as well. I am finding that my peer group seems to be getting things together, figuring things out, and realizing what is important. I feel I am arriving a little late, and I know I have a long ways yet to go, but I am learning.
I have had to make some decisions like this on a regular basis over the past year or so, and I can say that it is not easy. Maybe it is experience, all of these things in my past coming together painting a few more parts of the picture, so that I can see things just a little more clearly. But I think that is only a part of it. I have many of my friends to thank for connecting so many of the dots in my mind (you know who you are). I have such a long ways to go, but I am happy I have made it to the point where I can actually make decisions that are not driven by my selfish interests, but by what is right, what is best. I am not that strong yet, I feel that in some situations I was just a hair away from just going for it, letting my feelings take over and doing something I knew was not the right way to go, but God seems to fill the gap when I fall short, and He gives me strength when mine fails.
Tonight I am not quite leaping for joy, but I am overall happy with my situations. I would like to mention to anyone who might have the slightest idea what my vague rambling is about, if anyone needs to talk, I am here, with an open ear, and a caring heart. If someone is going through something and would like to talk, I would like to listen.
Obi-Wan, You Are My Only Hope!
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in God, Life, MySpace Blog, Relationships on June 29, 2007
Current mood:annoyed
I am back in Everett, I have been here since the beginning of this year. I have met up with old friends, many of them. Things change, I change, a little bit here and there, over the years it adds up, maybe I am a different person. I still love and care for people, I still love to have fun, I love to do new things, meet new people. My values have been strengthened, my direction chosen, I now know what I want, and I know what I do not want. And ok, maybe I grew up a little tiny bit, but not too much. I suppose there is one very big thing that has changed, I now have a strong faith in God. I know that may sound strange to some, it sounds great to others, and there are some that would be scared, or even angry. Before you take that and think that I no longer do this, or I no longer eat that, try asking me first, because it might surprise you. Let’s just say I don’t value all of these rules that man made up. I guess what I am getting at is that in this world that some say is overpopulated, in this city of nearly 100,000, I feel a bit alone. Don’t get me wrong, I am not crying myself a river, I am just a little annoyed. Where is everyone?
Well, I have grown tired of humoring my ex-girlfriend’s alternate personality, even though it is a bit amusing. I am going to get some reading done, I am half way through the bible, and have all but the first chapter of “Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire” to read.
Lord, you are my only hope,
everything else washes away as the sand with the waves.
The things of this world come and go like the pulsing tide.
Lord, let me be content with what you have given me,
nothing matters more than you.
Nowhere To Turn….
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in Life, MySpace Blog on August 25, 2006
You know what sucks? When you need someone to talk to and no one is around. When you want to go out and do something, and no can go with you. When you make friends, and they move away. When you move away and loose touch with friends. When you think someone is right for you, and they turn out not to be, and yet you have these lingering feelings you still have to make sense of. When you are making good changes in your life, but it never seems to happen fast enough for you. When you loose your way, and have to climb out of the hole you put yourself into. Or how about having all of these things going on at the same time, how about that?
Friends are too important to let fade away. Patience yet perseverance, in time, everything will come together.
Yeah, quite a negative post, but if you read the last sentence, you will see it is serving its purpose, which is to make me feel better. I would like to say it was an exaggeration, but at that point in time, I was feeling a bit down after some thoughts passed through my mind, linked to some things I was reading, some things that just happened, and the fact that I am a bit tired. So no, I did not just kill myself… in fact, shortly after writing this, I was reading it over and laughing. Writing can really clear the mind and help correct perspective.
Too Little, Too Late?
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in Life, MySpace Blog, Relationships on August 17, 2006
Current mood:lonely
I have so much to learn, but I am learning so much. I am grateful for my friends for helping me realize so many things that, in my mind, I kept touching on, but did not yet fully understand.
Not giving people their space, their time, can push them away from you. Some people are different than others, and the amount of space they need can differ. Also after certain situations, more space can be needed than before. To sum it up in a few words that mean so little unless you really understand it in the first place, you could say “don’t push it”.
I think I have always came on a little strong, and I am sure that even though I may not have noticed it for what it was, it has caused me many relationship problems in the past, even with friends. Those that have known me for a long time, I think have known this and accepted it as just an unusual personality type.
There are many other things that I have learned, that I will not mention here, at least yet. There are so many things that are easy to put into words, but into practice, it may be a challenge. I am up for the challenge. For those that I have pushed away, I apologize. Balance is hard to put into practice.