Archive for August, 2007
Jonathan’s Cream Filled Center
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in God, Life, MySpace Blog, Values on August 30, 2007
Current mood:tired
Today I just realized something, something truly great. Throughout my life, I have been surrounded by so many people and it has been a rare gift to find mature people, who do what they know to be right, despite the feelings they have, or what they “want” to do. It is painful, and very hard sometimes, but in this life we have gotten to a point where we know better, and are actually taking steps to make sure our futures are healthy, and not just our futures, but the futures of the other people involved as well. I am finding that my peer group seems to be getting things together, figuring things out, and realizing what is important. I feel I am arriving a little late, and I know I have a long ways yet to go, but I am learning.
I have had to make some decisions like this on a regular basis over the past year or so, and I can say that it is not easy. Maybe it is experience, all of these things in my past coming together painting a few more parts of the picture, so that I can see things just a little more clearly. But I think that is only a part of it. I have many of my friends to thank for connecting so many of the dots in my mind (you know who you are). I have such a long ways to go, but I am happy I have made it to the point where I can actually make decisions that are not driven by my selfish interests, but by what is right, what is best. I am not that strong yet, I feel that in some situations I was just a hair away from just going for it, letting my feelings take over and doing something I knew was not the right way to go, but God seems to fill the gap when I fall short, and He gives me strength when mine fails.
Tonight I am not quite leaping for joy, but I am overall happy with my situations. I would like to mention to anyone who might have the slightest idea what my vague rambling is about, if anyone needs to talk, I am here, with an open ear, and a caring heart. If someone is going through something and would like to talk, I would like to listen.
Jonathan’s Misguided Thread
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in God, Life, MySpace Blog on August 28, 2007
Current mood:annoyed
There is a lot weighing on my mind today. It is strange how one little thing can rattle you so much, almost like a chain reaction and next thing you know, you are looking far into the future and wondering how things are going to work out, questioning things that should not be questioned from so far away. Why must I worry about so many things at once… It was just a little problem… There are so many other things that are so much more important, I guess I have to keep that in mind. I thank God for giving me a foundation I can depend on, so that no matter what, even if everything is swept away, I can still stand firm. I just need to take that and hold onto it, never letting it go. It is so easy to get side tracked, to take your eyes off of what is important, to sink in the water that you were walking on just seconds ago. You may have all of this positive knowledge in your head, promises that you believe, yet somehow you let them slip through your fingers so often. Why must we sink so deep before we call out and grab on to the hand that has been held out the whole time.
Ok, that was dark enough, and I laugh at the little problem that rattled me so much, it will probably be just fine anyway. I am not going to mention what it was. It is sorta like the despair part of my mind threw a tantrum at being ignored for so long. If I were not to have written this, no one would have the slightest clue, not even those closest to me, that I was being bothered so much. It seems so dramatic when I put it into words, yet on the outside, I may look just a little annoyed. I guess that is just me.
Bits of stuff, unworthy of their own blog
Posted by Jonathan Kinney in Business Ethics, God, Life, MySpace Blog, Relationships on August 16, 2007
Here are a few things that did not quite make it to becoming a blog, but I wanted to toss this stuff up here all the same. Some are conversations, others are just things I jotted down. None of it seemed special enough to put up into its own blog.
Sometime after July 29th, when I went to the Daft Punk concert:
Yes, the concert was a blessing, that’s right, being able to go to the Daft Punk concert was blessing from God, He knows how to take care of me. The only thing that comes to mind is that God is the DJ, mixing together all of the sound samples and notes of my life, and I got to say, I love the music! He is taking everyone and using them in his mix.
Wed Aug 08 08:36:42 2007, just chatting with someone:
[13:08] Jonathan: I don’t get it, why am I attracted to crazy?
[13:09] Jonathan: NM, I got it…
[13:11] Jonathan: I love extremes, blistering heat, dripping humidity, blasting wind, ground-shaking thunder, blinding lightning. Maybe I now am at the point where I realize, that stuff is cool, but that is not what I need to look for in a woman….
[13:29] Matt: it is the challenge
[13:30] Matt: or possibly, you like to fix things
[13:30] Jonathan: that could be too
[13:31] Jonathan: I like to help people, it has been my resolve since childhood, and maybe I see they need help, and I want to help, I always do
[13:32] Matt: yeah, i did the same thing with girlfriends…. get the crazies and try to help them then realize it was too much
[13:32] Matt: the problem with women is that if you attempt to fix them they wont stay fixed
[13:32] Matt: probably the same with men, but i never dated any
[13:33] Jonathan: yeah, they have to do it themselves, to what ever extent is possible
[13:33] Matt: word
[13:39] Jonathan: God’s teaching me tons of stuff, its cool
[13:40] Matt: how do you know?
[13:41] Jonathan: action and reaction, to the point of no chance of coincidence
This was just me “thinking out loud” in an email today:
My perspective is a little down cast the last day or so, but I know it is just temporary, and it will clear up.
I think God has some more teaching to do, and I have some more lessons to learn. One of the things I am dealing with is the feeling you get when you are ripped off by a mechanic. I hardly ever get to the point where I am filled with contempt for someone, but I think that situation really hit a sore spot, that spot where you finally get to the point where you get enough trust together, hold it out only to have it smacked out of your hands and fall to the ground shattering into a million pieces. Maybe I am over sensitive, maybe I should have known better, or maybe I didn’t handle it right. At what point do I take the situation into my own hands and get the mechanic to do what I paid them to do. For all I know, they may not have had any deception in mind, maybe they really thought what they told me was the real cause of the problem. Maybe I am just seeing it wrong. But one thing I know, I am not built to hate, I am not meant to hold contempt for someone, and I think that is what is bothering me so much, this foreign feeling that should not be there, it is being rejected. I think that is it, with God so strong in my life, those feelings are like poison, and my entire being is rejecting it.